


Who Wants To Live Forever

by TheFluidThespian



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Character Death, HIV/AIDS, Hurt/Comfort, Slight Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-10-25 11:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFluidThespian/pseuds/TheFluidThespian
Summary: When John thought about death, he’d always wonder how he would go down. Perhaps he’d live to be an old wrinkly man and pass away in his sleep. Perhaps one day, he’d crash his plane into a ball of flames. Maybe, given the situation in Hope County, he’d be slain by the hands of the Resistance. That’s what he would always think, but no. That’s not how he’s going down. However, he knows that his time is coming up, and most likely, whether if it’s before or during the Collapse, he won’t be joining hands with everyone when marching through Eden’s Gate.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This has been on my mind for quite a while, and before it goes away I wanted to write it out quick. I may or may not keep working on this, and if I do, it may not be that long.

When John thought about death, he’d always wonder how he would go down. Perhaps he’d live to be an old wrinkly man and pass away in his sleep. Perhaps one day, he’d crash his plane into a ball of flames. Maybe, given the situation in Hope County, he’d be slain by the hands of the Resistance. That’s what he would always think, but no. That’s not how he’s going down. However, he knows that his time is coming up, and most likely, whether if it’s before or during the Collapse, he won’t be joining hands with everyone when marching through Eden’s Gate. He recalled the moment when Joseph scolded him at the Cleansing, say how those gates would be shut to him if the Deputy didn’t atone. Then, he was humiliated. Now, it didn’t matter much to him the more he thought about it. It seemed as though the Gates of Eden were already declared shut to him long ago.

He doesn’t know how he ended up carrying this burden. Maybe it was from one of many of his one night stands. Maybe he got it from a needle that’s already been used. But since then, he never said a word about it. Even when he was reunited with his brothers, he still kept silent. But until now, carrying this burden felt heavier and heavier each day. He knew he had to tell his family eventually when he saw that he was getting worse judging by the increasing fatigue, the endless coughing fits, and other digestive issues, which affected his performance as the Baptist. He knew he had to tell them sooner than later, and so he did.

He contacted each herald, requesting them to meet at the compound, as it seemed all was calm in the time being so they could meet safely. John was the last to arrive, wearing his big, heavy trench coat despite it being ninety degrees. A couple men stood at the doors of the church, one of them opening it for him. Inside waiting were his brothers and sister. Faith greeted him with a smile, which soon faded when he didn’t return it.

“Got here safe, I hope?” Joseph greeted.

John still didn’t say anything, turning around to make sure that the door closed on his way in. When he heard them close shut, he continued to approach his siblings. “Thank you for coming…” He greeted them quietly, “I know it’s chaotic out there with the Resistance.”

Jacob shrugged, “They’re probably off attempting to take over our outposts or reeking havoc on God knows what, but we’ll get it back anyway.”

John nodded, silent before swallowing, “Well, this has nothing to do with the issue of the Resistance, or probably won’t come across as important to any of you, but… I feel like it’s something you should know.”

Joseph had an unreadable look on his face, “And what is it you want to tell us?”

John, now silent again, gazed down at the floor, anxiety building up in his stomach. _How can I put this without sounding so complicated?_ The words never came to his mind, as his thoughts were now sprawled all over the place. The truth laid heavily on his tongue.

“John?” Faith broke the silence.

The youngest brother finally dropped his shoulders with a sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets, leaving one in while taking out the other, which now held a folded sheet of paper. He looked at everyone, hoping they’d get the hint that this was difficult for him to say. “Take it,” He said, almost inaudibly.

Joseph gently took it out of his hand, unfolding it and shifting his glasses so he could get a better view of the words. It didn’t take him long enough as his eyes suddenly shifted into a calm surprise. Faith gazed over, putting her hand on her mouth and looking at the words that declared that John had HIV. Jacob, who was generally calm and collected, looked over at John with a look of shock in his eyes. But he didn’t notice, as he kept his shoulders shrugged and his head down. 

“Oh, John…” He said, almost heartbroken and at a loss for words.

“Oops… Right?” John shrugged, his voice breaking.

“How long have you known about this…?” Joseph looked up at him.

“About ten years. Maybe eleven… I know I should’ve told you, but... I was scared...” He paused, searching for anything in Joseph’s face, and not knowing what else to say at the moment, he stammered, “I’m sorry for not—“

“No,” Jacob interrupted, “You don’t have to apologize—“

“I got it because I was stupid enough to get it, and it’s all my fault… And each day, I’m growing weaker and weaker... Like I’m running out of time.”

He paused again, looking over at Joseph, “This isn’t an excuse for my performance, Joseph… I just… Thought you should should know when I... When I start getting worse.”

He gazed back down at their feet, and after a few good seconds, Faith stepped forward and wrapped her arms gently around John. “I’m glad you told us,” She said, “But I’m so sorry...”

Jacob walked over next, placing a hand on John’s shoulder, adding, “I know it probably hasn’t been easy for you, but we’ll be right here to help you out.”

Joseph still stood idly, stunned as though he was staring at a dead man for the first time. Eventually, he too stepped forward. Faith stepped out of the way, but kept a hand on John’s arm as Joseph approached. He brought their foreheads together, “I’ll be praying for you, brother… I’ll pray that God will watch over you and continue to give you the strength to get through this…”

John kept his eyes closed, sniffing once before clearing his throat, “Thank you… Thank you…”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a bland chapter, but hey! I’m at least writing something for once than procrastinating. Hooray... In all seriousness, I sorta forced myself to write this, which is why it seems so boring and rusty :/

After what he’s told them, John expected to be somewhat relieved. However, he felt no different. He still felt tired, heavy, and stressed. He knew telling his family wouldn’t get rid of this virus, but he hoped to feel much more comfortable now that he didn’t have to bottle it in. Still feeling weighted, he exhaled a raspy breath. He returned to his bunker, attempting to distract himself with buckets of work so he wouldn’t think. It didn’t matter what it was. He didn’t want to think about anything other than filling in his purpose for the Project while he still had time. He carried out orders from Joseph, listened to confessions, and helped others reach atonement, all of which he completed in a span of two weeks. During those two weeks, not only did John begin to feel ill, but the Resistance had only caused more chaos and destruction among Hope County, from destroying Joseph’s statue, to taking over outposts, even having the nerve to destroy John’s YES sign. The stress made him tired; Made him tired to a point where he rarely had any energy to get mad at anything.

But he knew he had to keep going; He had to keep working on his own duties he was responsible for. One of the major tasks he had not yet completed was making the Deputy atone. He’ll make them confess sooner than later. They’ve had their fun out there for a while now. He sent out his men to take them down, and all he had to do was wait for their arrival. To kill time, he looked over more paperwork and orders as the radio played the same church songs, specifically ‘Oh John’. As the song reached its chorus, John couldn’t help but sigh heavily at how the singer described him as “bold and brave”, finally changing the station as it ended as “he’s gonna march us right through Eden’s Gate.” At first he thought the song was catchy, but given the position that he’s in, he thought everything said about him in that song was nothing more than a lie.

The next and only radio station that played regular music wasn’t any better. It was Bob Dylan’s, ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’, which started on the chorus. For a moment, John paused, listening to those lyrics. _Well isn’t that damn convenient?_ He finally decided to switch the radio off. Sitting in silence for a brief minute before he broke it with a burst of surprisingly heavy coughing, which lasted for a while until he leaned forward, forcing his last cough so he could have a moment to catch his breath. A slight flick of saliva came with the cough, landing on his desk along with something else that seemed too dark and opaque to be his own spit. He dipped the tip of his finger on the small spot where it landed and looked at it. It appeared as a maroon shade, turning brighter as soon as he brushed it between two of his fingers. He bit his lip. Whatever was happening on the inside was obviously growing worse and worse. Before John could worry about it even more, a couple men walked into his office, drenched in their own sweat.

“We got ‘em, sir,” One of them said, “They’ll be ready for you real soon.”

John grinned, shifting his focus back to his main task at hand, “Excellent. Bring in Deputy Hudson for this confession as well.”

As he got up, he coughed a few more times, which were wet, chronic, and hard to ignore.

“Are you okay, brother?”

“I’m okay… Just a slight tickle.”

* * *

He failed yet again, and what made it even worse was that it was all his fault. He let them escape, and so easily as well. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ He kept thinking. John knew Joseph wasn’t going to be so pleased, and there was nothing worse for him in the world than disappointing the ones he loved the most. To make up his mistake, he increased his work load, adding more and more tasks to his agenda. He also increased his dose in medicines. Along with his regular HIV pill, he started taking medications to that treated a simple cold. It would be useful for a while, but by the next day the drugs would’ve worn off, making him take more and more. This reminded him much of the messy person he used to be; John Duncan the addict; John Duncan the screwup. He’s been a changed man since, but even as he recognized his mistakes, he still could not escape them. 

It’s been days since the Deputy’s escape from the bunker, and day by day, John began to grow lethargic, which also made him increase his cups of coffee so he wouldn’t drop dead from exhaustion. He felt the need the work for the will of the Father, which is what kept him running for the most part. He had his best men search the skies and grounds to crush any form of resistance, but would only have reports showing how most of them had been shot or blown up. _Things_ _can’t_ _get_ _any_ _worse_ , John thought, and he shouldn’t have in the first place because the next report he got was how the Deputy took control of his own damn home. Everything in the Holland Valley, from his silos to major outposts had at this point been taken by the hands of the Resistance. But at this point, he was running on fumes and very little sanity. His limbs were trembling from the stress and his eyes grew week from the endless nights he spent staying up. 

John pressed his hands against his forehead, groaning softly and ending in a huff. Lethargy was starting to take its toll, but before John could crash his head against his desk, the phone rang, sounding surprisingly loud that he nearly jumped from hearing it. He cleared his throat, picking it up and not bothering to sound his best as he answered with a weary and croaky, “Hello...?”

”John?” Jacob questioned on the other line, sounding unsure, “Is that you...?”

“Yeah...”

”God, you sound-“

”I know. I know I sound like horseshit... What do you want?”

”I heard about what’s going on in the Holland Valley. Just wanted to check in with you.”

”I’m alive, if that’s what you’re worried about.” After a brief moment of silence, John dipped his head, resting his eyes in one hand as he continued, “I’ve gotta go after them, Jacob... They’ve devoured every bit of this valley, and all I’ve done was stay in the shadows.”

”By the sound of it, I think you’ve been going through a lot right now... How’re you feeling- And be honest with me.”

John swallowed, “I’m sick, but... I can’t let that get in the way right now.”

”Alright. I’m gonna have to disagree with you right there.”

The younger brother was stunned with silence, allowing Jacob to continue, “I don’t know just how ‘sick’ you are, but you don’t sound good either. I know your responsibilities for the Project are important, but I think you need to stop just for a moment and-“

John laughed and scoffed, “And what? Wait around to die and disappoint Joseph?”

”You won’t disappoint him-“

”Yes, I will. One slip up and I’ll look like I’m not doing my part.”

”He’ll know you’re trying your hardest, and I know you are, John... You’re doing the best you can.”

John honestly wanted to believe that, but he couldn’t. His mind slowly became clouded with stress and thoughts that he had no idea how to respond. He felt the urge to argue back, but he was just so damn _tired._

“I’ve got a Valley to reclaim, Jacob...” John finally said, “I’ll talk to you when this is all over...”

It was quiet on the other end, and then, “Be careful then... Take care of yourself, brother.” 

John hung up, sitting still and leaning his head into his hand as he listened the commotion occur outside his room. Everyone seemed to be in a panic that the Holland Valley was in complete control of the Resistance. There were footsteps racing about, voices shouting at one another. Then came in a Project member, “Sir, I’m sending out some guys to reclaim some of the territory. We’ll start with some small outposts. Not much, but it’s a start.”

”Good, good...” John sat up, trying his best to stay awake and focused, “I’ll try to plan a next move. Other than that, kill any who try to resist, but keep the Deputy alive.” 

The woman didn’t leave yet, as she now got a better look at the Baptist. “Brother, don’t take this the wrong way, but you look awful...”

”No offense taken, sister...”

”Why don’t you rest? Here, let me help you...” She walked over to him, and not having the energy to put up a fight, John allowed her to guide him over to his bed in the corner of the room. Not as comfortable as the one at the ranch, but once he sat down, the mattress felt like heaven. He felt rather delirious as he watched the woman help him lay down, her hands touching his head gently as she guided him down to the pillow. “You’re warm, John...” She commented, “Do you feel alright?”

”Please don’t worry about me,” John replied quickly, breathing a bit deeper, “Just... Just take back what was ours... For the Father.”

”Yes, brother.” 

She left his side, the voices drifting away as John fell into a deep sleep. 


	3. Chapter Three

Rook was already awake before the early sun hovered above the horizon. From the deck of the ranch, they stood looking through their binoculars, trying to see if they could catch sight of anything unusual or out of place. Normally, there would be cultists trying to invade their outposts, attempt to take prisoners, or even pull a kamikaze move when flying their planes. But it was all silent on their radar, occasionally seeing a Project truck drive by, but not interact. The calm was rather unsettling to say the least. They dropped the binoculars from their eyes, letting it hang in their hand as they let out a silent sigh. The birds were starting to sing, some Resistance members starting switching patrols, all Rook was waiting for was John’s next move.

But he seemed to be silent as well. There were no taunting messages from him for a while now since they took everything in possession of the cult. Not hearing anything from him, they began making up weird stories and theories in their head. One of them being that John is planning something big and unexpected, as he has shown he’s got a lot of tricks up his sleeve. _That must run in the Seed family_ , they thought. Another morbid scenario, poor Johnny felt too much pressure and put himself out of his misery, and his body is just rotting in his bunker as they think now. _No… He’s too dedicated to Project to do that._

As the sky turned brighter and brighter, Rook agreed that silence wasn’t the best company and lifted their radio to their mouth, “Dutch, you there?”

After a few seconds, “It’s been a while, kid. Heard you raised hell in the Valley.”

“It’s quiet if that’s what you’re implying. No one’s raising any red flags, John’s gone AWOL… I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“Well, I pretty much blew everything up, destroyed every silo, helped out almost every person. John’s been pissy about it then, but now he’s not saying a word.”

“I get what you mean.”

“Strange, right? Anything on your side of the fence?”

“Mm, pretty much the same shit on a different day. Jacob’s trying to hold up in the Whitetails, Faith’s guys are getting higher and higher, and if I had to make a lucky guess, John’s pissing himself.”

Rook snorted, “Alright, let me know if anything comes up. Everything seems fine here.”

“Keep your eyes open anyway, kid. Dutch out.”

Rook was once again left in silence. Looking out into the distance once more and moving on downstairs to start their day. _Let’s see… I could find some stashes. Could definitely tear shit up with Sharky. Maybe I should go to the Whitetails and get Pratt out of there..._

As they loaded their ammo on the table, another thought crossed their mind. _I could snap some sense into that baby brother. He’ll have to come out of his rat hole eventually._ They settled their gun on the table once more as they lifted their radio. Before they opened their mouth, they cleared their throat, preparing to sound snarky and mischievous is if they were about to poke a starved and isolated bear.

“Johnny?” They spoke, “It’s your one and only wrathful sinner in this county. I’ve gotta say I missed you lately. Are you tired of playing this game? Here’s what you can do if you want to stop playing; You’ve just gotta stop being a dick in the ass to everyone. I’ll be honest, I’m tired of playing too, but if you still want to be an insufferable asshole, we can still keep going. Sound fair?”

They smirked, waiting for a response for a good few minutes. Nothing. They huffed as they dropped their smile. _So much for that…_ Rook picked up their gun, but after a few steps forward, the radio cackled.

“Um… This is Kim Rye calling out to Nick and the Deputy. When you get a chance, can you swing by the house? Please? No emergency.” After a sharp gasp, she added, “Er, yet…”

_Welp, looks like there’s something on the agenda after all._

* * *

Rook made the trip to the Rye house as quick as they could make it. When they hopped out of the truck, they began their approach slow, simply walking down the pathway. But after hearing a scream from the house, that’s when they started to move a little quicker, turning their walk into a jog as they burst into the house, only to see Kim leaning on the counter and clutching her belly. _Oh, this is it,_ They processed.

“Deputy…” Kim breathed heavily, “My water broke…”

“Oh okay…” Rook rushed to her side, not really sure what to do in this situation, so they came across as slightly freaked out.

They guided her to the couch, helping her sit down as she clutched their hand with a death-like grip. _Ah, okay. Hand’s going numb. That’s gonna leave a bruise._ “You’re okay, Kim,” They exhaled, managing to get the oxygen back in their hand as she let go, bringing her hands back to her belly and taking deep and quick breaths.

They sat beside her, offering some bit of comfort by placing their hand on her back, “I uh… What do you want me to do?”

“Just… Call Nick,” She breathed out, trying to sound as calm as possible as she found Rook’s hand to hold once more, “I don’t know where he is, but he needs to be here _now_.”

They nodded, bringing their radio up to their mouth, “Nick, I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, but you better get your ass over here.”

“I-I’m going as fast as I can,” Nick replied, “I’m almost to the house. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah-“

Kim’s grip tightened, and she let out another yelp. Rook almost keeled over at how tight she was holding his hand. “Sorta,” They added, gritting their teeth, “Just get here, now!”

As if his prayers had been answered, Rook heard Nick’s truck right outside. They slipped their hand out of Kim’s grip, looking out the window, and when their eyes met Nick’s, they gestured for him to run right over.

“Where the fuck is Nick?!” Kim growled.

“He’s here, Kim,” Rook ran back to her side, “It’s gonna be fine.”

Nick finally entered the house, “Kim? What the hell is going on?”

He ran up to her, getting on his knees and holding Kim’s hand. “Our little girl finally decided it’s time…” She breathed out.

Despite wearing sunglasses, Rook could see the panic rise up in his eyes, “No no no no no. Nick Jr’s not due for another week- Ah! Kim Kim, you’re hurting my hand.”

“We need to get to the car… Now!”

Rook aided Nick in helping Kim off the couch, Kim’s grip being slightly less death-like. _At this rate, I’ll barely be able to drive or shoot if she breaks my hand._ Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. As soon as Kim and Nick were in the back, Rook wasted no time shifting gears and speeding out of the driveway.

“Nick, where’re we going?” Rook asked stressfully.

“The clinic!” Nick answered, “Hang a left- Ah, my hand!”

With every assignment Rook is tasked with, there are of course obstacles that get in the way. In this moment, Rook was driving through and around roadblocks and wildlife, making sharp turns that could’ve tossed Nick out the window, and even dodging a crashing plane. The rest of the way towards the clinic was a dusty and bumpy road, which was the easiest obstacle yet. Rook didn’t bother parking properly, but as soon as they got out of the car, the deputy immediately noticed a Project truck parked right beside the clinic.

They pulled out their hand gun, “Wait here.”

“What-? Deputy-“ Kim was almost outraged.

Ignoring her, Rook approached the truck. From their distance, they could see that no one was inside the vehicle. _Good so far, I guess. But that only means…_ They walked cautiously towards the clinic, noting that the door wasn’t shut all the way. As they slowly slipped inside, they heard voices coming from the room at the end of the hall.

“He’s been this way for a while now, Doc,” A woman’s voice said, “According to him anyway. He said he’s been taking multiple medications to treat it, but… Something’s wrong. He’s not getting any better, and when I looked at him this morning, he looked way worse.”

“I see,” Another voice replied, which Rook could only assume was the doctor’s, “John, do you think you could try to answer some questions for me?”

_John?_

“Yes, doctor…” That voice was unnecessary to identify, as in that moment Rook saw a flash of red. They marched toward right into the room, gun at the ready as their eyes met with the sickly blue eyes of the man sitting on the table, the doctor at his side.

The woman standing right next to him cursed, but before she could reach for her own firearm, they shot at her, the bullet lodging itself in her knee. With her left indefensible, Rook pointed their gun to the man on the table.

“I was wondering when you’d come out from the shadows, John.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best way to end a chapter, but I am starting to feel better writing about this. I hope y’all are enjoying it too. If not, then stop reading lol. On a side note, there’s really not specific Deputy I’m using in this, so... Rook is Rook I guess haha.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little hard to write. Not exactly my favorite chapter, but hopefully I’ll make sure it goes better later on.

Before Rook could advance towards John, they were stopped surprisingly by the doctor as she stepped in the way, raising her arm up to stop them, “Now, Deputy. Before you go ballistic-”

“Tell me what’s going on, Doc,” Rook said, surprised at her defense.

“He’s… Really sick it seems like-”

“And you’re treating him. Why?”

Before she could explain, Nick came running up from behind Rook, “Deputy, Kim’s not gonna hold out much longer. She’s gonna deliver at any second-” He paused, suddenly looking at John, “Oh shit… Shoot him-!”

“Don’t!” The doctor finally got in between them, still not getting a chance to speak as Nick ranted, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? He’s a psychopathic criminal for Christ’s sake!”

“I know this all seems wrong to you guys, but hear me out at least!”

Rook placed a hand on Nick, trying to make him cool down. As the room fell in silence, the doctor cleared her throat, “Okay… I am aware of who is in my clinic at this moment. I know that he’s not a very good person in the eyes of some… But no one close to him isn’t exactly a professional doctor. There is no one to treat him for what he’s going through-”

“So you’re basically pitying him?” Nick commented, followed by a barely audible, “Bullshit…” 

“And no one tells me how to do my job around here. No one told me not to treat the members of his cult, and no one told me not to treat people who aren’t apart of it. Cult or no cult, I make sure that anyone who comes in here gets what they need.”

Rook raised their eyebrow at her, one part thinking,  _ Sounds fair, I guess,  _ and the other half,  _ She reminds me a whole lot of Nancy for some reason.  _

“Now, Nick,” She began, “If I heard correctly, your wife is in labor?”

“Yes, ma’am…” Nick replied, a little calmer this time.

“Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do—” She turned to face John, “John, would you mind waiting for a bit while I help deliver his kid?”

“Of course…” John replied hoarsely. 

“Thank you… Nick, why don’t you bring your wife in? Deputy, you’re welcome to stay if you want, but if you do…” She took another gaze back at John, making sure that he too was listening, “Just don’t tear each other apart…” She pointed to the wounded cultist, who’s been suppressing her own painful noises as she clutched her knee, “And take her, while you’re at it.”

* * *

Rook felt like a preschooler in timeout as they sat in silence next to John, who was like the bully who kicked their sand castle down. Well, they really wasn’t silence, as Kim was right in the other room, groaning and almost screaming, which went on for about a few hours. During that time, another man showed up to tend to the wound of the cultist.

“How’d it happen?” He asked.

“The Deputy,” She replied, flinching as he cleaned out the wound. 

“What?” He questioned in disbelief, “Where are they-”

She pointed over to the row of chair, and sitting a few seats away was Rook, who gave a slight wave. 

“Son of a-”

“Don’t,” John raised his hand out to the man, who was almost ready to punch the lights out of Rook’s eyes.

“But, brother-”

“They’ll soon atone for their wrath, but I need them alive for it.”

Rook scoffed, “Or else you’ll feel your brother’s wrath. Am I right?”

John grumbled, but said nothing more. For about another thirty minutes, they didn’t say a word to each other. Rook sighed silently, leaning back and crossing their arms as they glanced at John, “So you’ve just been sick? Is that it?”

“What about it?” John didn’t look over at them. 

“Well, I’ve just been waiting patiently, ready for your next move, and instead I find you here. I would’ve thought you were cowering away and pissing yourself. But nope. You just think you’re dying over a cold.”

John huffed, “You think it’s a cold?”

“Am I wrong?”

“What if I told you I’m, in fact, dying?”

Rook chuckled, looking over at him while thinking that he’s being over dramatic. Maybe it was the way he said it that made them laugh, but when they saw how sick and weary his eyes were, how pale his skin was, and how frail his hands appeared, they stopped. The smile faded from their lips, but their attitude didn’t. 

“Okay, I’ll bite,” They finally said, “Why do you think you’re dying?”

John stayed silent for a moment, as if he were debating his choice of words. Then he shrugged, “HIV.” 

Rook blinked, “What?”

“Human immunodeficiency virus. HIV.”

“Okay, I know what it is, dummy. But…  _ What _ ?”

“Surprised?”

Rook tilted their hand from side to side, shrugging a bit, “Maybe a little bit… But if you know why you’re dying, why come here?”

John let out a wet cough, “Recommendations… Mostly because my guys begged me to get checked out when they noticed my condition.” 

Rook continued to look at John in silence, but he didn’t seem to be interested in continuing the conversation.  _ Wow. Who knew that John Seed, the most sadistic man in Hope County, is going to die from this disease?  _

Kim’s screams were now replaced with the sound of a baby’s cries, which brought Rook’s attention to the room. Seconds later, Nick walked out, his hand slightly bruised, but had a smile on his face as he was almost crying, “Hey, Dep… You wanna come meet your goddaughter?” 

Rook took one final glance at John, who wasn’t paying any attention to them, before walking into the room to meet the Rye’s daughter. 


	5. Chapter Five

“So Kim had her baby then?” Sharky asked, leaning against the bar as he took another shot.

“A little girl,” Rook answered, “Nick’s gonna choose her name.”

Just as they finished, Mary May came from the kitchen, a basket of fries in one hand and a bottle in the other. She set the fries down between the two before refilling Rook’s beverage, questioning, “Anything from John yet, Deputy?”

Rook bit into a fry, humming for a moment, “Sorta?”

“Okay, define ‘sorta’.”

They raised their eyebrows in thought, “I saw him today at the clinic.”

“Shit, really? What happened?”

“Nothing violent.”

“So he’s alive?”

“Um… Sorta?”

Mary May shook her head, sighing, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, he’s pretty much got AIDS.”

Sharky almost choked on a mouthful of fries, and Mary May had her eyebrows raised, “You serious?”

“He told me himself.”

“Oh my God…” Sharky, now over the fit of coughs, broke into wheezing laughter, “The dude’s gonna get his ass kicked by a sex virus!”

“He looked pretty shitty when I saw him,” Rook continued, “That explains why he’s been silent too…”

Mary May bit her lip, “But… That still means he’s alive?”

Rook shrugged, “Yeah…”

“I would’ve killed him on the spot. We could’ve freed this Valley… But it’s only a matter of time until he dies from his AIDS, I guess.”

Mary May walked away to wipe down the counters and tables, leaving Sharky and Rook on their own. “So… What do we do until then?” Sharky questioned.

Rook didn’t reply initially, their head clouded with a thousand thoughts that all revolved around John. _At this rate, he won’t be able to do anything. That being said, I’d say the Valley’s already free of his control._

_Does his family know? What if they don’t? John could die all of a sudden and they would have no idea._

When Rook caught themselves thinking this way, they sighed heavily, rolling their head all the back that they thought they were going to snap their neck. _I’m totally pitying him, aren’t I?_

_Maybe a little._

“Rook?” Sharky questioned.

“I don’t know,” They finally answered, almost in a groan. _Well, I do know… Sorta._

Rook rubbed their head, attempting to clear their head to get their thoughts organized. _I guess it’ll be good that John won’t be able to cause anymore damage to this place… But again, he’s still got Hudson and others trapped in that bunker. If he dies in there, then there’s no way of getting her or everyone else out of there without his key._

_Unless, we can drive him out somehow…_

The lightbulb in their head lit up. “That’s it…”

“That’s what?” Sharky asked, getting a bit antsy.

Rook leaned their elbows on the counter, eager to tell their plan, but anxious at the same time, “Well, you might hate me for it. Everyone might, actually.”

Sharky raised his eyebrow, “Um, why…?”

Pursing their lips, Rook clasped their hands, “I’m gonna say ‘yes’.”

The pyromaniac blinked, totally lost, “Okay…?”

“No— Not like that. I’m gonna atone, you know? That’s the only way I’m gonna get near John.”

“And catch his AIDS!?”

”It doesn’t work like that. It’ll be fine— Unless you have any other ideas, Sharky, say it quick.”

Sharky opened his mouth, closing it shortly after as if his mind went blank. He repeated the phase another few times before blowing out an exhale, “Welp, I got nothin’, Po-Po.”

The deputy took a big gulp of their drink before clapping Sharky on the shoulder, “Then let’s catch a Baptist then, yeah?”

* * *

 ”It’s starting to get worse,” John rasped over the phone. 

“No shit...” Jacob replied, sounding worried at the same time. 

“The doctor thinks it’s tuberculosis...”

”So you’re coughing up blood now?”

”Not a lot, but yes...” John sighed, dipping his head into the palm of his hand as he felt a wave of stress wash over him. _So much to do, but so little time._ “I don’t know what to do, Jacob...” 

“What do you mean-?”

”About the Deputy. I need them to atone. I’m running out of men, supplies, and the Resistance they’re—“ John paused, interrupted by a series of violent coughs. He brought the phone away from his mouth, turning away to cough up bloodied mucus into his elbow. By the time he was done, he was still silent, thinking back on his earlier choice of words. Then clearing his throat, he spoke to Jacob once more, “I’m making excuses, aren’t I?” 

When Jacob didn’t reply initially, he added again, “Aren’t I?”

”Well... You are, but—“

John laughed, “That was always who I was...” John couldn’t stop himself from reflecting on his time every since he became involved with the Project, thinking about the times when all he had was an excuse after excuse for his performance and why he is the way that he is.

“Not always—“

”Forget what I said... I’ll find a way soon...”

”John—“

The Baptist hung up, leaning back in his chair and pushing himself to brainstorm solutions and methods to bringing the Deputy into his grasp. _I could set up an ambush, and take them by surprise. I could use Hudson; Set her up as bait. So many ways..._

_But so. Little. Time._

John’s train of thought was interrupted by the cackle coming from his radio, the voice coming across nearly as static at first. 

“This is the Deputy reaching out to the one and only John Seed,” The voice spoke, “John Seed, are you there?”

John clicked the radio, “What now, sinner?”

”Don’t sound so rude. I’m trying to be nice here, okay?”

”Oh really? Well that’s what I’ve tried doing too, you know. Nonetheless, here you are, destroying all that we’ve built, bringing us one step closer to the collapse—“

”Anytime you’re done monologing, I can keep going. But if you still want to be a dick, fine. I tried anyway.”

John gritted his teeth, trying to hold his rage back. He could go on forever about what the Deputy has done. It’s a list that extends right out the room. But he contained himself, “Go on then.”

”Thank you,” The Deputy replied, “Now, if there are no further interruptions and dramatic monologues, allow me to say... Yes.”

John felt a bolt of energy spike through him, feeling like a dog who heard the word ‘walk’. He felt a ping of nervous energy, which he ultimately simmered down as suspicion creeped in, “What are you doing, Deputy?”

”Requesting atonement, of course,” They replied, “You do want me to atone, right?”

”Right... But for all I know, you could only be playing a sneaky trick.”

”No. No tricks. No games. Just me saying that I wish to atone...” 

John scratched the back of his neck, still remaining suspicious as to what brought the sudden change in this sinner. _This seems too easy,_ He thought. “And if it makes you feel better,” They continued, “I haven’t set anything on fire... Not in a while at least. So please trust me when I say that this isn’t a trick.” 

John closed his eyes, rubbing them. He wants to believe, but he can’t bring himself to. If this is a trick, then this will be the way he dies. But if it isn’t, it might be his only opportunity to make the Deputy atone. Both thoughts tugged and pulled at his brain, and he felt as though his head was going to split apart at any moment if he thought too much on this matter any more. 

“So what’ll it be, Johnny boy?” The Deputy questioned. 

Finally, with a heavy sigh, John replied, “Very well...”

”Yes! Oh- But I have another condition too.”

”And...?” 

“That we don’t do the atonement in that dingy bunker of yours.”

”Well, where else would you atone then, Deputy?”

”How about somewhere a little close to comfort? Say your ranch?”

John almost laughed, “Atonement can be quite messy depending on how filthy your soul is. Yours is going to make quite the mess.”

”So you’re worried about getting blood on your floors? We’ll clean it up. Atonement at the ranch. Take it or leave it.”

John huffed. _Why are they always so difficult?_ It then occurred to him that this was about more than atonement. The Deputy was trying to draw him out into the open. _Of course they would..._ Nonetheless, John was still sticking to his main agenda. He will make the Deputy atone, even if it means dying for it. 

“Okay, Deputy,” John replied, “We’ll do it your way. But don’t think you can get rid of me that easily. You _will_ atone, whether if you like it or not.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is elgh.

Rook walked through the ranch, looking over everything and everyone as if they were hosting a party. They sorta were, as John was finally coming over to listen to their confession and offer atonement. Not exactly a fun kind of party. 

“Are the patrols all set?” Rook asked a Resistance member passing by. 

“They sure are, Dep,” He replied, “They’re armed to the teeth.” 

“Okay, um… Sharky, do you have pants on?!”

“Yes…” Came a solemn voice from upstairs.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Deputy?” 

“I don’t see any other options on the table. Do you?”

“Well, I guess not. But you don’t know what he could be thinking. He could pull a backstabbing move when we’re not looking.”

“Well, that’s why we ‘armed everyone to the teeth’, right?”

“Yep, the place is well guarded, well armed, etcetera etcetera,” Sharky interrupted as he walked down stairs, “All that’s missing is a nice candle lit dinner for two.”

Rook pursed their lips, turning over to face him, “What was that?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Johnny seems to have a hard on for you.” 

“Sharky-”

“Come on, Po Po. Look at how obsessed he is with you ‘embracing the Power of Yes’ or whatever. You’re giving him what he wants. It’s getting him excited and then some-”

“I’d really like not to think about that right now-”

“And with that whole backstabbing thing… For all we know he could spread his AIDS-”

“Sharky,  _ shut up _ …” Rook shook their head, trying to lose those words that came out of Sharky’s mouth, “Look, I know I'm taking a risk here, but again, what other choice do we have? We need his key. We need to get him out of the shadows.” 

“Why not just kill him when he gets here?”

“Because we are better than those Peggies. So in the meantime, let’s just try to show some decency and respect.” 

The two Resistance members gave Rook one hard and observant look. It was obvious, wasn’t it. Their pity finally took over for John, so here they are. 

“Just hope you know what you’re doing, Dep.” 

_ I hope so too… _

Not too much longer, a black truck pulled up to the front of the ranch. Everyone outside had their guns ready as they saw a Project member stepping out from the driver’s seat, walking around and opening the door on the other side before gently helping out the one and only John Seed.

From where Rook stood, they could see how shitty John looked. His skin was pale, his eyes seemed empty, and they could almost see the bones and veins sticking out from his hands.  _ For being thirty-something-years-old, he sure looks middle aged.  _

John waved off the member supporting him, approaching the Deputy with caution while looking around at everyone with rifles by their side. Rook felt the need to say something as he got closer, but didn’t know what to say.  _ Good to see you? Not really. Top of the morning to you? Too cheesy.  _

Fortunately, John was the first to strike up a conversation, “I’m surprised, Deputy. You didn’t manage to blow this place up.”

Rook laughed sarcastically, shortly before finding their words, “Well, we wouldn’t be here now if I did, wouldn’t we?”

“I suppose so.”

“So are we doing this atonement or what?” From the corner of their eye, they could see Sharky doing a sexual gesture with his hands. With an intimidating glare, the pyromaniac stopped. 

“Yes… We might as well get started.” 

As John walked into his home, he broke out into violent coughs, which were muffled from the outside as Rook shut the doors. 

Until John stopped coughing, Rook continued, “Got plenty of rooms to do it in. What suits you?” 

Before John could reply, he was interrupted by another series of disgusting coughs, to which Rook said, “Or if you really feel like an ass omelette we could do it another time.”

“There won’t be ‘another time’, Deputy,” John hissed through his coughs, “In case you forgot my current situation.” 

“Right, right. My bad.”

“Let’s go to the kitchen. I might as well at least try to get a confession out of you.” 

“Ooh, what fun-”

“Shut up.”

John and Rook walked into the dining room, pulling up a chair from out under the table before placing them from across one another. 

“Okay, so…” Rook began, “Do I have to say something like, ‘forgive me, John, for I have sinned’ or whatever-?”

“Deputy,” John interrupted firmly, “Do you wish for me to hear your confession?”

“Oh, uh… Yes.”

* * *

John had his head pressed into his hands as Rook rambled on about some nonsense. It’s been about a few hours now, and the Baptist was getting nowhere with Rook’s confession. It Was clear to him that they weren’t taking it seriously. 

“Deputy...” John gritted his teeth, “If I hadn’t known any better, I’d say that all of this is a joke to you.”

Rook paused, “Why? Is it the way I’m saying it? Because everything I’m saying is all truth.” 

“Is it? Or are just making things up and improvising as you go?”

They gestured their head from side to side, “Well...”

Finally, John let out a heavy sigh, “You’re ridiculous...” 

Rook was silent for a moment, looking at an overwhelmed and exhausted John. “Can I ask you something?” They questioned. 

“What?” John replied, wearily. 

“You’re basically dying from AIDS; You’re finally succumbing to it, it seems like. Yet here you are, still working for this cult, giving everything you have, and trying to make me confess and atone.” 

“Where’s the question in that?”

”Well, why? You’re running out of time, why’re you using it to please others?” 

“Excuse me? I thought it’d be obvious-“

”But you know what I mean. Everything you’re doing isn’t for you; It’s for the cult. But again, you’re dying, and using all that energy for everyone but yourself.” 

John looked up at them, staring at them for a good several seconds before carrying on the conversation, “I get it, now. Yes, I suppose I could use that time for myself, but we are on the brink. Joseph is counting on me to cleanse everyone of their sins so that when we walk into the new world, everyone will be pure.” 

Rook scoffed, “But I’m just saying that a ‘normal person’, if they found out that they were dying and would be dead soon, would do the things that _they_ want to do like travel the world, climb Everest, or eat five tubs of ice cream.”  They paused, trying to read John’s emotions through his ill-expression. “So, I also might be saying that it wouldn’t hurt for you to give it a rest for once.”

John was quiet as he leaned forward, resting his chin on his knuckles as he went deep into thought. _I am doing what I want to do though. I’m cleansing the sinners. I’m serving my purpose. What more could I do that can bring me bliss?_ John gazed back up at Rook, smirking, “As great as a break sounds, I know that if I let my guard down even for one second, you could be ready to slice my throat open.”

Rook blinked, shortly before chuckling, “Bold of you to assume I’d go that close when you’re coughing up blood and mucus-“

Suddenly, both went silent as they were interrupted by Sharky bursting through the door, “Dep, did you not hear me?! That Ginger-Furry-Seed is right outside!”

 


	7. Chapter Seven

Rook ran outside, the Resistance team had their guns aimed and pointed at a black truck, and standing beside it was none other than Jacob Seed.  _ What the hell is he doing here?  _

“Deputy,” He began, “This is a warm welcome.”

“What’re you doing here?” Rook had nothing better to say, but they wanted to know what was going on.

“Tell you’re guys to lower your guns. I’m not here to hurt anyone.”

Rook slowly reached their pistol, which Jacob quickly caught and reached in his pocket as well, “Of course, if that’s how you want to do it.”

As he pulled out the music box, Rook quickly froze in terror, and before he could open it, they ran out in front of everyone, “Lower your weapons!”

The Resistance looked at them, some exchanging looks with one another. “Now!” They shouted.

The members did as they were told, but nonetheless kept their guard up.

Rook let out a heavy sigh, as from the corner of their eye, they saw Jacob put away the music box. “First of all, you can suck an egg,” They began, “Second, tell me what you’re doing here.”

“Word gets around fast, Deputy. From what I hear, you’re having a little ceasefire with my brother. I’m just here to see how he’s holding up with that,” Jacob relaxed a bit, followed by shift of sadness in his eyes, “I worry.”

“Cute.”

“Is that wrong? Am I not allowed to concerned with my family’s health?”

“That’s… Very ‘human’ of you, for once. But shouldn’t you be ‘culling the herd’ or whatever?”

“A little ceasefire doesn’t hurt for everyone, now does it?”

Rook looked as if they wanted to say more, but Jacob continued, “Can’t we just get along, pup? For now?”

Rook looked seconds away from spitting more of their sassy ways at Jacob, or from slugging him across that ginger face. 

“Fine,” They hissed, “But I got my eyes on you.” 

“Fair enough,” Jacob nodded. 

Rook led Jacob towards the house, where Sharky stood looking at the two of them from the doorway. “We’ll be fine, Sharky,” Rook said. 

“Whatever you say, Po Po,” Sharky shrugged, “But I got my eyes on them too…”

Jacob walked inside, and once Rook had closed the door behind them, the older Seed looked back at them, raising an eyebrow, “‘Ginger-Furry-Seed’, huh?”

“If the name fits,” Rook replied, “Anyway, your brother is listening to my confession-”

They peered into the living room, only to see that John was nowhere in sight, correcting themselves, “Or more like ‘was’.” 

Before they could look for him, there was the sound of a sink running, to which Jacob and Rook investigated. Sure enough, John was there, running a rag around the sink before gagging and coughing up a mix of bile, blood, and other fluids. Jacob sighed distressfully before walking over. 

“Johnny…” He began, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Jake…?” John washed off the excess vomit from the sink before switching it off, “What’re you doing here?”

“Needed to see you.”

“But Joseph… He’ll-”

“He can do whatever he wants to me, but he won’t get in the way of letting me see you, especially in this condition.” 

John gave him a long look, before giving him a small smile, “You’re always brave… How on earth do you do it?”

“Hm… Had to be scared of something I guess.”

“Well, I’m scared right now, even though it may not seem like it. I’m running out of time, I need that sinner to atone and haven’t gotten anywhere with their confession… There’s so much I need to do. I’m afraid… But I don’t feel brave…”

John was interrupted by another string of coughs, added with some dry heaving. “You’ll get it done,” Jacob patted his back, “But you need to rest.”

“Resting won’t help me… I can’t fight this disease off… I’m getting  _ weak _ , Jacob.”

Jacob’s grip on John’s shoulder tightened, “Don’t you dare say that. You’re not weak-”

“I know what you’re trying to say…” John set his boney hand on Jacob’s shoulder as well, “And I know you want to protect me from this… But you can’t. Not this time.”

Those words seemed to strike a chord in Jacob, as he now stood in stunned silence. As much as he wanted to tell himself that John was wrong, he knew that his baby brother was right. He can’t stop a disease that’s taken root from the inside. He can’t just tear John apart to destroy the virus. John is dying, but there’s nothing he can do about it. 

Jacob dipped his head, sighing, “Rest, John. Please…” 

John coughed once more, not too violently this time, replied in a hoarse tone, “If that will make  _ you _ feel better…”

“So, is the confession on a pause then?” Rook called from behind the two brothers.

* * *

John now lay in his bed, eyes closed and occasionally those lids would twitch once in a while. Jacob sat beside him, and once every few minutes he would pat John’s forehead down with a cold, wet towel in an attempt to simmer his fever. Rook stood across from the two, arms crossed and only being an observer in all of this. It was interesting for them, to say the least. They’ve only seen the dickish and sadistic side of Jacob, so it was odd to see him shift from a monster to a soft and level-headed human being. Jacob still had those saddened look in his blue eyes.

He leaned back in his chair, sighing, “I haven’t seen him this sick in so long.” 

_Oh, is it storytime again?_  

“He may have been, what, a year or two old. He caught the flu, and each day he kept getting worse and worse... But our old man didn’t care. One night, John just couldn’t stop coughing, and he came in, dragged him out...” He paused, and that sadness in his eyes shifted into a quiet rage, “Told him to be quiet while slugging him over and over again... And our mom wasn’t even there to hold him while he just... _Suffered_.”

Rook looked at John, then back at Jacob, “How’d he survive then?”

”Well, we barely had enough money to buy anything. He was living off of soup and tea for a while, yet he still kept pushing on. One afternoon, Joe and I snuck off to the store and got away with some medicine. With that, Johnny got better again within a few days.” Jacob smiled softly, “And he was real excited to go back to school after being in bed for so long.” 

“I can hear you, Jake,” John murmured, opening his eyes slowly. 

“Sorry, brother,” Jacob replied.

A small grin stretched across his lips, “But for the record, I’ve never heard you sound so sappy.”

Rook snorted, and Jacob laughed along, roughing up John’s hair, “Go back to sleep, okay?”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a BS chapter. It’ll get better than this though, I promise.

The Deputy was finally ready to tone for their sins. ‘Wrath’ is one of them, and John figured that somewhere in there, there was also a hint of ‘pride’. To both Rook and John’s surprise, atonement was easier said than done. For Rook, they knew they weren’t gonna sit quietly as John carved their sin into their flesh and ultimately rip it off. For John, he had no idea how he was going to make them sit still in the first place, and found himself practically chasing them around the house. It’d be easier if Jacob were here, but he had gone out for some supplies, promising to return. 

“Stop being so difficult!” John growled, which sounded more weak because of the croakiness in his throat. 

“First of all,” Rook began, hopping over the dining room table, “I don’t think you’re professionally skilled with this sort of stuff. Second, you’d really think I’d let you come near me with all that gunk in your throat?”

“Didn’t take you to be a hypochondriac.”

“I’m just saying there’s no way I’m catching your AIDS-infested-cold. Unless, of course you brought a mask of some sort to cover your mouth up. Also, did you wash your hands?”

John was almost a dose away from bursting into a ball of frustration. Before that happened, however, there were some voices outside, one of them being Jacob, “You sure you don’t need help?”

And to their surprise, Faith was there too, “I got it! Trust me— Wait, never mind. A little help? Just hold the stew.”

Rook walked up to the door, opening it only to see Jacob had returned, holding a paper bag in one arm and a pot of stew in the other. Faith, holding a few small containers, was the first to walk up to the porch, smiling politely as she saw Rook. 

“So you’re here too now?” Rook commented. 

“Saw her walking here on the way back,” Jacob said, “Turns out I’m not the only who cares about family.”

“Har har…”

“I don’t come with any intent to harm anyone here, Deputy,” Faith said.

“What’s that you got there then? Bliss induced snickerdoodles?”

“I don’t have any bliss either. And they’re pistachio cookies, by the way.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. John likes them.” 

* * *

The process to atonement was interrupted by a brief lunchtime that Faith demanded would happen before anything else. Jacob warmed the stew, Faith sat with John, asking if there was anything that he needed or what she could do to help him. In the living room, Sharky and Rook sat side by side on the couch, drinking cold bottles of beer while they observed the Seed family. For Rook, It was almost astonishing to say the least to see them like this. Here are a group of paranoid psychopaths acting like any other normal, happy family. 

“You guys are welcome to join us, if you like,” Faith called out to the two, “The stew is warmed up enough.”

”That’s fine,” Rook replied. 

She gave another smile before walking over to help Jacob dish out the food. 

Sharky leaned over to Rook, “She’s kinda hot, you know...”

”You’ve said that plenty of times, Sharky.”

”She used to be a junkie, right?”

”Maybe...”

”You think maybe she’s got-“

”I don’t know.”

”I mean. You get it from sex and drugs after all, so it’s possible.”

”Sure, I guess.” 

“I’m just sayin’...” Sharky paused for a brief moment, and after a while, “But for being a junkie, she’s still pretty smokin’-“

The two were interrupted by an incoming call from Rook’s radio, “Deputy, come out here. I wanna talk to you.”

Rook raised their radio, “Jerome? Are you here?”

”Please. I’m not gonna say again.”

”Okay, okay,” Rook stood up, walking out of the house only to see Jerome standing outside with his arms crossed. _Oh, he’s clearly not happy. This should be fun._

_“_ So you’re just letting the Seeds waltz in and out of the places that we reclaimed and not bothering to kill them?” Jerome began, “What’s going on with that?”

“Okay, I was using myself as bait to get John out here,” Rook explained, “Then all of a sudden Jacob shows up with his little music box of doom-“

”Why’re the Seeds here visiting each other like they forget the war then?”

”They came for John. The dudes got AIDS. He’s probably at his ‘dying stage’ since he’s coughing mucus and blood here and there, so I’m just going with it, I guess.”

Jerome was silent, and he raised an eyebrow, “So this is your plan in the time being? You’re waiting it out until John finally decides to die on his own?”

”Pretty much...” 

Jerome sighed heavily, “This is really not what I expected out of you.”

”Well I never expected to get thrown into a middle of a Holy War, but here we are.”

“I still trust you, Deputy. But we have to finish this one way or another.”

”I get it. We’ll get rid of them. But it takes patience... Capiche?”

Jerome didn’t look satisfied with that answer, but he shrugged, “I guess so...” 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so just in case anyone didn’t know, John was in a brief relationship with a woman named Holly (who is the primary focus of this chapter, oh and she also had a girlfriend named Charlie), and I just didn’t want anyone to be confused with the characters included.

As days went by, John only grew worse. He felt as if there was a big ball of mucus and germs building up in his chest, and whenever he coughed his chest would ache. He attempted to carve the Deputy’s sin onto their skin, but both Jacob and Faith easily restrained him and made him rest, ensuring that they would find a way for him to complete this task. But for now, he needed to rest. John saw no use in resting. At this point, nothing could stop the virus from taking over. No medicine, sleep, or foods could stop it now, and with this notion in mind, John slowly began giving up. He no longer took his medication or any other meds, but for his family’s sake, he did take part in self care, even if it meant eating Faith’s homemade soups, bathing, or sleeping. 

Rook took it easy on the family, who couldn’t help but take pity on them when they saw how much Faith and Jacob genuinely cared for John. They, along with Grace, observed them from the corner of the room. Faith was attempting to feed John herself, when he intervened and tried to grab the spoon from her, claiming he could feed himself just fine. It turned into a silly argument, ranging from playful shouts into bouncing laughter. 

“Sorta makes you forget…” Grace sighed, letting out a chuckle. 

“What?” Rook turned over to look at her. 

“That they’re just like us, I guess. They may be damn psychopaths, but they’re still human, you know?”

“Oh yeah,” Rook paused, looking at the three and easily noted that something was missing from the picture, “All that’s missing from this family reunion is the Father himself.”

Suddenly, there came a gentle knocking on the door, to which Grace replied, “Speak of the devil.”

“I got it.”

Rook walked over to the door, prepared to make a smartass statement about what kept Joseph from seeing his dying baby brother. That was until they opened the door they didn’t say anything at all at first. Standing on the porch was a woman looking as if she were in her late twenties. She had her arms crossed, as if she had been patiently been waiting for quite some time. That was when Rook noted the sweater she was wearing, which had the red Eden's Gate Cross patched on it. But she had no weapons, which brought the red flag down. 

“You’re not Joseph,” Rook commented. 

“No, I’m not,” The cultist replied calmly, “Can I please come in? I need to talk to John.”

“Oh, uh…”

“There’s something he needs to know.” This time she spoke in a more sterner tone, and that’s when Rook noted the weariness on her face. She eyes were hollow, as if she had spent nights crying her eyes out. 

“Okay. Don’t let me get in your way then.”

Rook stood out of the way, letting the woman in. She marched into the dining room, where the laughter died down as soon as the Seeds saw who they were looking at. 

“Charlie…?” John spoke, almost at a loss for words.

“Afternoon, John…” The woman replied, acknowledging the other heralds, “Faith. Jacob.”

“What’re you doing here?” 

“I needed to tell you something. It’s a personal matter that I thought might concern you,” She looked at Faith and Jacob, “May we please be alone for a minute?”

Jacob and Faith exited the room, but didn’t go far. John offered Charlie to sit down, to which she retorted, “It won’t take long.”

John straightened up, ready to listen as best he could.

“Word got around here quick about your sickness,” Charlie began, “Sisters and brothers alike are praying for you…”

John smiled for a split second, but he knew that prayers wouldn’t wash the virus away. 

“But when Holly found out, she acted a bit differently…” Charlie was looking up, pursing her lips as if she were trying to hold it together. 

It was at that moment John knew what this was about. He hadn’t talked to Holly in god knows how long, but He knew that she and Charlie were in a relationship. But at the time when they both lusted and coupled, it never crossed his mind that he should’ve told her he was infected with AIDS. 

“I found her two days ago, John,” Charlie started, her voice cracking, “She hung herself in our bathroom.” 

John could feel his heart stop at that moment.  _ Holly’s dead?  _

“And she left a note too,” Charlie took out a folded sheet of paper from her pocket, handing it to John, “Take it.”

With a strong reluctance, the Baptist took the note, unfolding it carefully and reading the scribbled words on there— 

_ “I had no idea. Oh God, I swear I had absolutely no idea. He never told me. But now I know I have it. I know I do. I know what people go through with this. I don’t want to end up the same way. God, I’m sorry.” _

John let out a shaky sigh, looking up at Charlie who had tears on the edge of one of her eyes. Her arms were crossed, giving him a somber look. 

“Charlie, I’m… I’m so sorry,” John finally said. 

Charlie looked at John, unmoved by his apology, “Keep the note. Let it be a reminder.”

Just like that, Charlie was gone in a flash, and John sat in silence for a brief time before his brother and sister walked over. John couldn’t talk though. He didn’t know what to say. Everything felt numb and quiet to him. He couldn’t feel Faith rubbing her hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t hear Jacob asking what was wrong.

Charlie’s words spun around in his head, and he looked at the note. He knew what she meant. She was telling him, “Holly is dead, and it’s all your fault.” 


	10. Chapter Ten

John was at the point where he could barely bring himself to get out of bed. He couldn’t eat or drink, and his chronic cough had grown worse. He was thin, pale, and his hair was frail and dry. As hard as it was to believe, Jacob and Faith knew that at any time, John was going to die without a warning. Nonetheless, the pried on with their regular treatments, Jacob trying to get him to stay awake, and Faith encouraging him to eat. But again, all that was missing from the picture was Joseph himself, who had never once paid John a visit since he announced he had AIDS.

It bothered Jacob, and one afternoon, John was awakened by an argument that occurred between Jacob and Joseph, who was only on the phone.

“You want to tell me where you’ve been, Joe?” Jacob began, “You want to tell me what’s been so important over our brother’s health?”

“There’s so much more to be done for the Project, Jacob,” Joseph said, calmly, “I’ve simply been doing what you, John, and Faith have abandoned since.”

“Abandoned? We have all the time in the world to finish our errands for the Project. Hell, it’s all we’ve been doing for years now.”

“And it will only be a matter of time until this world collapses-”

“Look around, Joseph. There aren’t any bombs falling from the sky yet. It could be another several years until that happens for all we know. There’s time to focus on the Project’s concerns. But John doesn’t have any time left. Any day could be his last, and you’re not here for him.”

“So you want me to be there to watch him die?”

Jacob only became more outraged than before, scoffing as if he thought Joseph’s reply was some sick joke, “I’m sorry, but weren’t you expecting this? Didn’t your prophecy theorize that me, John, and Faith were gonna die anyway; That we were some damn sacrifice?”

Joseph was silent on the other side, and Jacob continued, “I’m just saying that John isn’t gonna be around for much longer, and if I were him, I’d be wondering where you were and why you never showed up…”

Before Jacob could say anything else, he saw a figure in the corner of his eye. To his realization, John was standing there the entire time, listening to every word he said.

“Was that Joseph?” He croaked out.

Pursing his lips, Jacob only nodded.

“Is he still there?”

The elder brother listened carefully through the phone, and he could still hear breathing on the line.

“He is,” Jacob said, “He’s not saying anything though.”

John began walking over, stretching his hand out for the phone, to which Jacob gave it to him.

“Joseph…” John coughed out, “I-I know you’re there… I know you’re probably too busy to visit… But if you do get a chance, please come over-” John let out a few violent coughs, tears creeping from his eyes, “You don’t have to stay long… Just stay long enough to…- Long enough to say goodbye…”

John hung up not too long after, shivering from his fever and tearing up from the coughs and his emotions. He looked at Jacob, swallowing hard while weeping silently.

Jacob placed his hand on his shoulder, and not too much longer he pulled him into a tight hug, “Let’s get back to your room, okay, brother?”

* * *

”You want me to do what?!” Jess exclaimed, her voice cracking. 

“You heard me, Jess,” Rook replied, trying to act as calm as possible, “You heard me right, actually.”

”First of all, that’s fucking gross. Second, _why_?”

”Because... Because... It’s complicated.”

”You’re gonna have to give me a better reason than that, Deputy! I’m not just gonna carve a sin into you without knowing why!”

 The junior deputy pursed their lips, trying to piece together the right words while knowing they weren’t going to sound right, “Because John is dying and... Before he goes I just want him to feel accomplished by making me atone completely.”

”So you’re pitying him?”

Rook was silent for a moment. _Long story short, yes, it’s all about fucking pitying the bastard._ “Is that a good enough reason for you?”

Jess sighed stressfully, “It sure isn’t good... But it’s better than no reason at all.”

”So will you do it?”

Jess closed her eyes, clenching her jaw as if she still couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

”Please, Jess?” 

“Alright fine...! This sure isn’t what I expected to be doing in a Holy War.”

”Makes two of us...” 

Rook sat back in a chair, unbuttoning their shirt just enough to expose their chest as Jess fiddled around with the small pocket knife in her hand. She looked at them, “You sure you want to do this?”

”Jess-“

”I’m serious. I mean th-this is insane, and you’re doing it for the sake of a psychopath.”

”Jess, please. Just do it. You don’t have to do it for John, just do it for me.”

”Alright then... If you insist. What the word you want on there?”

”Wrath.” 

Jess approached Rook, still unsure and bewildered by what she was about to do. “Brace yourself, Dep.”

”Just... Make it quick-“ Rook let out a loud yelp as Jess carved the tip of the knife into their skin, repeating it over and over, followed by her looks of disgust and Rook’s pained noises and squeals until ‘wrath’ was across their chest. 

As soon as Jess carved in the last letter, she immediately backed away, dropping the knife, “Okay, we’re done. We’re done, right?”

Rook clutched their shirt over their wound, “Uh... Not exactly.”

”Oh god, what’s next?”

”Uh... You need to carve it out.”

Jess’s eyes widened in disbelief, “What-“

She was interrupted as Sharky walked in all of a sudden, shotgun readied in his hand, “I heard a bunch of screams coming from in here. What’s going on?”

”Atonement,” Rook grimaced in pain. 

“Ah, and how’s that going?”

”I’m not carving your skin out, Deputy,” Jess shook her head, “You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

”Jess, come on-“

”No way in hell! Have Boshaw do it!”

”Wait, do what?” Sharky soon had a freaked out expression.

”Peel that sin out of their chest!”

”Like cut it out like paper? Hell no-“

”What on earth is going on down here?” Faith called from upstairs. 

The three resistance members looked up at her as if they were little kids caught smuggling a bowl of sugar. Finally, Rook peeled open their shirt, revealing the sin carved onto their chest. 

Faith blinked, “What are you...?”

”Isn’t it obvious? We’re doing our own take on atonement. You know, what John was supposed to do, but really can’t do it.”

”You’re doing this for him?”

Rook fell silent, to which Jess spoke, “They are. I just don’t think they wanna say it out loud, otherwise they’d sound like they’d lost their marbles.”

A soft smile appeared on Faith, “I think it’s... Awfully thoughtful, especially for you, Deputy. I think Jacob would be glad to help.”

”Oh, I’m sure he would,” Rook chuckled nervously, looking back at Jess and Sharky. 

“Well, honest to God, Jacob may be an ass wipe, but he’d probably finish the job a lot better than I would,” Jess said. 

“Yeah, yeah...” Sharky nodded, “What she said...”

_Oh, you guys..._  

Rook gave them a final glare before looking at Faith, “Alright. Let Jacob show how it’s done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty close to ending the story. I know it was sorta rushed and meh, but it’s just one of those stories I wanted to get out of my system otherwise it’d sorta just linger and bother me for eternity.


End file.
